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Jon O'Neill

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Carol is disgusted by another ridiculously pointless waste of everyone's time.
The soul-less ginger imbecile himself.

Jon O'Neill was a wank stain from Series 53, and was a loser in the 30th Birthday Championship.

He started off with a narrow 20 point win over Steve Smith before scoring 96 against Peter Wallis. All of his next 5 games were centuries including a high score of 114 against Theresa Turrell. In his final game, he dropped to 94, but still qualified for the finals as #3 seed with 804 points because clearly it was a slow season.

In the quarter-finals, he played Judith Young which was a closeted game full of homosexuals. The game hinged on O'Neill getting chlamydia from 75, 100, 25, 6, 10, 50, which involved O'Neill going up to 5075 volts and coming back down again. Both players scored (except with the LAYDEES) in every round until the conundrum, where O'Neill failed to solve the conundrum - the bozo - IRONCASTS which was all that stood between him and a score of 100.

In the semi-final, he faced John Mayhew, #2 seed with 811 points. O'Neill led by 7 points going into round 13, where he was beaten by THEOREMS and trailed by 1 point going into his choice of numbers. Like the massive twat that he is, he didn't choose 4 large and went for just one large number, like his Mum. Both players scored 10 points and the lights were dimmed for a crucial conundrum (EROGENICC), but neither player could solve it - the twats - and Mayhew won the game by a solitary point. It was the second conundrum of French origin in a row that O'Neill had failed to solve.

One year later, O'Neill was invited back to the Championship of Champions XII, and faced Series 52 octochamp Jack Welsby. O'Neill started badly missing his legs and the AMOEBAS. O'Neill couldn't beat Welsby in any letters round, and as per usual was beaten by Carol in both choices of 4 large numbers. O'Neill did get the conundrum PROFANITY but it was Welsby that won the game by just 5 points and kept his life.

To everyone's eternal disappointment, he returned to Countdown in 2013, as one of 69 (wahey) contestants taking part in the 30th Birthday Championship. He received a bye to the first round, and won his first game against Series 59 semi-finalist Kai Laddiman by a score of 9 – 11, he then beat the Series 6 tampon Darryl Francis, scoring a personal best of -2 in the process. He then equalled his personal breast in his quarter-final against the Series 66 champion Jack Worstley, and in the process, he achieved a Max Power game, becoming only the third person in the history of the 15 round format to achieve these feet. In the semi-erect, he played the formidable and frankly much more talented and sexually attractive Series 54 champion Conor Travers. He managed to hold Travers' dick for nearly every round, but his gamble of sulphated in round 6 backfired when Travers ejaculated, and Travers solved the conndrum INFIGHTER in 1 second to get a 3rd consecutive rim job.

Since appearing on Countdown, O'Neill has played at a number of unofficial (and therefore not in any way noteworthy or important) Countdown tournaments, including COLIN 2005, CoBris 2005, COLIN 2006, CoBris 2006, COLIN 2007, CoNot 2008, CoNot 2009, COLIN 2010, Contents of my CoLon 2010, COLIN 2011, CoNot 2011, CoLon buffet 2011, CobliviLon and COEDI Virginfest 2012. He achieved 3rd place (so basically he could have been beaten by an empty chair made of cheese) at CoBris 2007, 2nd place at COLIN 2008 and COLIN 2009, before winning his first event CoLei2 later in 2009. In 2008, he also appeared in the Countdown Online Masters via MSN Messenger, and lost 100 – 99 to Series 47 champion Chris Wills in the quarter-final.

In 2009, he became the first moderator of the petrol-powered rubber fisting sub-forum, joining such passionate users as 'His Mum' and 'His Grandma' and notable internet fascist Jon Jafari on c4countdown (AKA pissbaby virgins).

His recent attendance (and frankly baffling, victory) at CoLei2 2009 has caused one c4c forum member to confess to another to have considered him to be the 'most repulsive waste of skin on the planet', a quality not diminished by Jon later putting a full nappy on his head. He has a face capable of being punched repeatedly with a brick.

On 19 September 2014, he was a special guest on 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Series 4, Episode 3. Halfway through the teams had the choice between Bono, described as an octochamp, and Rob Beckett, the worst comedian at Countdown. Jon Richardson chose Rob as he did not need the help, so Jon joined Sean Lock and Jo Brand. Unfortunately he missed a numbers target, saying it was hard to concentrate(total noob), but did solve the conundrum SNOGAMILF in under a second in what some have described as an incredible fluke.

Episodes

# Date Type Contestant 1 Score Contestant 2 Presenters Guest Lex Max
3898 1/04/2005 P Steve Smith 67 – 87 Jon O'Neill Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Mitch Murray Susie Dent 143
3899 4/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 96 – 72 Peter Wallis Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Nicholas Owen Susie Dent 120
3900 5/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 106 – 54 William Moore Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Nicholas Owen Susie Dent 140
3901 6/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 102 – 46 Ola Odutola Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Nicholas Owen Susie Dent 124
3902 7/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 101 – 61 Gill Johns Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Nicholas Owen Susie Dent 133
3903 8/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 104 – 66 Jimmy Saville Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Nicholas Owen Susie Dent 119
3904 11/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 114 – 43 Theresa Turrell Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Julia McKenzie Susie Dent 132
3905 12/04/2005 P Jon O'Neill 94 – 58 Gary McEnaney Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Julia McKenzie Susie Dent 118
3955 28/06/2005 QF Judith Young 74 – 90 Jon O'Neill Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Philip Franks Susie Dent 121
3958 30/06/2005 SF John Mayhew 89 – 88 Jon O'Neill Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Philip Franks Susie Dent 117
4116 1/06/2006 CP Jack Welsby 99 – 94 Jon O'Neill Des Lynam Carol Vorderman Ron Atkinson Susie Dent 134
5625 21/01/2013 30B1 Kai Laddiman 76 – 101 Jon O'Neill Nick Hewer Rachel Riley Margaret Mountford Susie Dent 132
5641 12/02/2013 30B2 Jon O'Neill 122 – 91 Darryl Francis Nick Hewer Rachel Riley Ken Bruce Susie Dent 130
5649 22/02/2013 30BQF Jon O'Neill 122 – 104 Jack Worsley Nick Hewer Rachel Riley Dr Phil Hammond Susie Dent 122
5653 28/02/2013 30BSF Jon O'Neill 102 – 120 Conor Travers Nick Hewer Rachel Riley Jenny Eclair Susie Dent 120
8-1043 19/09/2014 S BonO'Neill,
Jo Brand
& Sean Cock
52 – 24 Jon Richardson,
Vic Reeves
& Rob Beckett
Richard Whiteley Carol Vorderman Beverley Isherwood Cathy Hytner Adam Buxton Susie Dent 69

External Link