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Difference between revisions of "Jon O'Neill"
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{{featured article}} | {{featured article}} | ||
− | [[Image:280605 numbers.jpg|right|200px|frame|[[Carol Vorderman|Carol]] | + | [[Image:280605 numbers.jpg|right|200px|frame|[[Carol Vorderman|Carol]] is disgusted by another ridiculously pointless waste of everyone's time.]] |
− | [[Image:JONC.jpg|thumb|The ginger | + | [[Image:JONC.jpg|thumb|The soul-less ginger imbecile himself.]] |
− | '''Jon O'Neill''' was | + | '''Jon O'Neill''' was a wank stain from [[Series 53]], and was a loser in the [[30th Birthday Championship]]. |
− | He started off with a narrow 20 point win over [[Steve Smith (Series 53)|Steve Smith]] before scoring 96 against [[Peter Wallis]]. All of his next 5 games were [[century|centuries]] including a high score of 114 against [[Theresa Turrell]]. In his final game, he dropped to 94, but still qualified for the finals as #3 seed with 804 points. | + | He started off with a narrow 20 point win over [[Steve Smith (Series 53)|Steve Smith]] before scoring 96 against [[Peter Wallis]]. All of his next 5 games were [[century|centuries]] including a high score of 114 against [[Theresa Turrell]]. In his final game, he dropped to 94, but still qualified for the finals as #3 seed with 804 points because clearly it was a slow season. |
− | In the quarter-finals, he played [[Judith Young]] which was a | + | In the quarter-finals, he played [[Judith Young]] which was a closeted game full of homosexuals. The game hinged on O'Neill getting chlamydia from 75, 100, 25, 6, 10, 50, which involved O'Neill going up to 5075 volts and coming back down again. Both players scored (except with the LAYDEES) in every round until the conundrum, where O'Neill failed to solve the conundrum - the bozo - {{word|IRONCASTS}} which was all that stood between him and a score of 100. |
− | In the semi-final, he faced [[John Mayhew]], #2 seed with 811 points. O'Neill led by 7 points going into round 13, where he was beaten by {{word|THEOREMS}} and trailed by 1 point going into his choice of numbers. | + | In the semi-final, he faced [[John Mayhew]], #2 seed with 811 points. O'Neill led by 7 points going into round 13, where he was beaten by {{word|THEOREMS}} and trailed by 1 point going into his choice of numbers. Like the massive twat that he is, he didn't choose 4 large and went for just one large number, like his Mum. Both players scored 10 points and the lights were dimmed for a [[conundrum|crucial conundrum]] ({{word|EROGENICC}}), but neither player could solve it - the twats - and Mayhew won the game by a solitary point. It was the second conundrum of French origin in a row that O'Neill had failed to solve. |
− | One year later, O'Neill was invited back to the [[Championship of Champions XII]], and faced [[Series 52]] [[octochamp]] [[Jack Welsby]]. O'Neill started badly missing {{word|AMOEBAS}}. O'Neill couldn't beat Welsby in any letters round, and | + | One year later, O'Neill was invited back to the [[Championship of Champions XII]], and faced [[Series 52]] [[octochamp]] [[Jack Welsby]]. O'Neill started badly missing his legs and the {{word|AMOEBAS}}. O'Neill couldn't beat Welsby in any letters round, and as per usual was beaten by [[Carol Vorderman|Carol]] in both choices of 4 large numbers. O'Neill did get the conundrum {{word|PROFANITY}} but it was Welsby that won the game by just 5 points and kept his life. |
− | + | To everyone's eternal disappointment, he returned to Countdown in 2013, as one of 69 (wahey) contestants taking part in the [[30th Birthday Championship]]. He received a bye to the first round, and won his first game against [[Series 59]] semi-finalist [[Kai Laddiman]] by a score of {{score|9|11}}, he then beat the [[Series 6]] tampon [[Darryl Francis]], scoring a personal best of -2 in the process. He then equalled his personal breast in his quarter-final against the [[Series 66]] champion [[Jack Worstley]], and in the process, he achieved a Max Power game, becoming only the third person in the history of the [[15 round format]] to achieve these feet. In the semi-erect, he played the formidable and frankly much more talented and sexually attractive [[Series 54]] champion [[Conor Travers]]. He managed to hold Travers' dick for nearly every round, but his gamble of {{word|sulphated}} in round 6 backfired when Travers ejaculated, and Travers solved the conndrum {{word|INFIGHTER}} in 1 second to get a 3rd consecutive rim job. | |
− | Since appearing on Countdown, O'Neill has played at a number of unofficial [[Countdown tournament]]s, including [[COLIN 2005]], [[CoBris 2005]], [[COLIN 2006]], [[CoBris 2006]], [[COLIN 2007]], [[CoNot 2008]], [[CoNot 2009]], [[COLIN 2010]], [[ | + | Since appearing on Countdown, O'Neill has played at a number of unofficial (and therefore not in any way noteworthy or important) [[Countdown tournament]]s, including [[COLIN 2005]], [[CoBris 2005]], [[COLIN 2006]], [[CoBris 2006]], [[COLIN 2007]], [[CoNot 2008]], [[CoNot 2009]], [[COLIN 2010]], [[Contents of my CoLon 2010]], [[COLIN 2011]], [[CoNot 2011]], [[CoLon buffet 2011]], [[CobliviLon]] and [[COEDI]] [[Virginfest 2012]]. He achieved 3rd place (so basically he could have been beaten by an empty chair made of cheese) at [[CoBris 2007]], 2nd place at [[COLIN 2008]] and [[COLIN 2009]], before winning his first event [[CoLei2]] later in 2009. In 2008, he also appeared in the [[Countdown Online Masters]] via [[MSN Messenger]], and lost {{score|100|99|COMA - Jon O'Neill vs Chris Wills}} to [[Series 47]] champion [[Chris Wills]] in the quarter-final. |
− | In 2009, he became the first moderator of the | + | In 2009, he became the first moderator of the petrol-powered rubber fisting sub-forum, joining such passionate users as 'His Mum' and 'His Grandma' and notable internet fascist Jon Jafari on [[c4countdown (AKA pissbaby virgins)]]. |
− | His recent attendance (and | + | His recent attendance (and frankly baffling, victory) at [[CoLei2]] 2009 has caused one c4c forum member to confess to another to have considered him to be the 'most repulsive waste of skin on the planet', a quality not diminished by Jon later putting a full nappy on his head. He has a face capable of being punched repeatedly with a brick. |
− | On 19 September 2014, he was a special guest on ''[[8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Series 4, Episode 3]]''. Halfway through the teams had the choice between | + | On 19 September 2014, he was a special guest on ''[[8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Series 4, Episode 3]]''. Halfway through the teams had the choice between Bono, described as an [[octochamp]], and [[Rob Beckett]], the worst comedian at ''Countdown''. Jon Richardson chose Rob as he did not need the help, so Jon joined [[Sean Lock]] and [[Jo Brand]]. Unfortunately he missed a numbers target, saying it was hard to concentrate(total noob), but did solve the conundrum {{word|SNOGAMILF}} in under a second in what some have described as an incredible fluke. |
==Episodes== | ==Episodes== | ||
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{{ep | 3901 | 6/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 102 - 46 |[[Ola Odutola]]|Nicholas Owen|Susie Dent|124}} | {{ep | 3901 | 6/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 102 - 46 |[[Ola Odutola]]|Nicholas Owen|Susie Dent|124}} | ||
{{ep | 3902 | 7/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 101 - 61 |[[Gill Johns]]|Nicholas Owen|Susie Dent|133}} | {{ep | 3902 | 7/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 101 - 61 |[[Gill Johns]]|Nicholas Owen|Susie Dent|133}} | ||
− | {{ep | 3903 | 8/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 104 - 66 |[[ | + | {{ep | 3903 | 8/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 104 - 66 |[[Jimmy Saville]]|Nicholas Owen|Susie Dent|119}} |
{{ep | 3904 | 11/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 114 - 43 |[[Theresa Turrell]]|[[Julia McKenzie]]|Susie Dent|132}} | {{ep | 3904 | 11/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 114 - 43 |[[Theresa Turrell]]|[[Julia McKenzie]]|Susie Dent|132}} | ||
{{ep | 3905 | 12/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 94 - 58 |[[Gary McEnaney]]|Julia McKenzie|Susie Dent|118}} | {{ep | 3905 | 12/04/2005 | P |Jon O'Neill| 94 - 58 |[[Gary McEnaney]]|Julia McKenzie|Susie Dent|118}} | ||
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{{ep | 5649 | 22/02/2013 | 30BQF |'''Jon O'Neill'''| '''122''' - 104 |[[Jack Worsley]]|[[Dr Phil Hammond]]|Susie Dent|'''122'''}} | {{ep | 5649 | 22/02/2013 | 30BQF |'''Jon O'Neill'''| '''122''' - 104 |[[Jack Worsley]]|[[Dr Phil Hammond]]|Susie Dent|'''122'''}} | ||
{{ep | 5653 | 28/02/2013 | 30BSF |Jon O'Neill| 102 - '''120''' |'''[[Conor Travers]]'''|[[Jenny Eclair]]|Susie Dent|'''120'''}} | {{ep | 5653 | 28/02/2013 | 30BSF |Jon O'Neill| 102 - '''120''' |'''[[Conor Travers]]'''|[[Jenny Eclair]]|Susie Dent|'''120'''}} | ||
− | {{ep | 8-1043 | 19/09/2014 | S | | + | {{ep | 8-1043 | 19/09/2014 | S |BonO'Neill,<br>[[Jo Brand]]<br>& [[Sean Cock]]| 52 - 24 |[[Jon Richardson]],<br>[[Vic Reeves]]<br>& [[Rob Beckett]]|[[Adam Buxton]]|Susie Dent|69}} |
{{episode table end}} | {{episode table end}} | ||
Revision as of 21:04, 23 August 2017
Jon O'Neill was a wank stain from Series 53, and was a loser in the 30th Birthday Championship.
He started off with a narrow 20 point win over Steve Smith before scoring 96 against Peter Wallis. All of his next 5 games were centuries including a high score of 114 against Theresa Turrell. In his final game, he dropped to 94, but still qualified for the finals as #3 seed with 804 points because clearly it was a slow season.
In the quarter-finals, he played Judith Young which was a closeted game full of homosexuals. The game hinged on O'Neill getting chlamydia from 75, 100, 25, 6, 10, 50, which involved O'Neill going up to 5075 volts and coming back down again. Both players scored (except with the LAYDEES) in every round until the conundrum, where O'Neill failed to solve the conundrum - the bozo - IRONCASTS which was all that stood between him and a score of 100.
In the semi-final, he faced John Mayhew, #2 seed with 811 points. O'Neill led by 7 points going into round 13, where he was beaten by THEOREMS and trailed by 1 point going into his choice of numbers. Like the massive twat that he is, he didn't choose 4 large and went for just one large number, like his Mum. Both players scored 10 points and the lights were dimmed for a crucial conundrum (EROGENICC), but neither player could solve it - the twats - and Mayhew won the game by a solitary point. It was the second conundrum of French origin in a row that O'Neill had failed to solve.
One year later, O'Neill was invited back to the Championship of Champions XII, and faced Series 52 octochamp Jack Welsby. O'Neill started badly missing his legs and the AMOEBAS. O'Neill couldn't beat Welsby in any letters round, and as per usual was beaten by Carol in both choices of 4 large numbers. O'Neill did get the conundrum PROFANITY but it was Welsby that won the game by just 5 points and kept his life.
To everyone's eternal disappointment, he returned to Countdown in 2013, as one of 69 (wahey) contestants taking part in the 30th Birthday Championship. He received a bye to the first round, and won his first game against Series 59 semi-finalist Kai Laddiman by a score of 9 – 11, he then beat the Series 6 tampon Darryl Francis, scoring a personal best of -2 in the process. He then equalled his personal breast in his quarter-final against the Series 66 champion Jack Worstley, and in the process, he achieved a Max Power game, becoming only the third person in the history of the 15 round format to achieve these feet. In the semi-erect, he played the formidable and frankly much more talented and sexually attractive Series 54 champion Conor Travers. He managed to hold Travers' dick for nearly every round, but his gamble of sulphated in round 6 backfired when Travers ejaculated, and Travers solved the conndrum INFIGHTER in 1 second to get a 3rd consecutive rim job.
Since appearing on Countdown, O'Neill has played at a number of unofficial (and therefore not in any way noteworthy or important) Countdown tournaments, including COLIN 2005, CoBris 2005, COLIN 2006, CoBris 2006, COLIN 2007, CoNot 2008, CoNot 2009, COLIN 2010, Contents of my CoLon 2010, COLIN 2011, CoNot 2011, CoLon buffet 2011, CobliviLon and COEDI Virginfest 2012. He achieved 3rd place (so basically he could have been beaten by an empty chair made of cheese) at CoBris 2007, 2nd place at COLIN 2008 and COLIN 2009, before winning his first event CoLei2 later in 2009. In 2008, he also appeared in the Countdown Online Masters via MSN Messenger, and lost 100 – 99 to Series 47 champion Chris Wills in the quarter-final.
In 2009, he became the first moderator of the petrol-powered rubber fisting sub-forum, joining such passionate users as 'His Mum' and 'His Grandma' and notable internet fascist Jon Jafari on c4countdown (AKA pissbaby virgins).
His recent attendance (and frankly baffling, victory) at CoLei2 2009 has caused one c4c forum member to confess to another to have considered him to be the 'most repulsive waste of skin on the planet', a quality not diminished by Jon later putting a full nappy on his head. He has a face capable of being punched repeatedly with a brick.
On 19 September 2014, he was a special guest on 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Series 4, Episode 3. Halfway through the teams had the choice between Bono, described as an octochamp, and Rob Beckett, the worst comedian at Countdown. Jon Richardson chose Rob as he did not need the help, so Jon joined Sean Lock and Jo Brand. Unfortunately he missed a numbers target, saying it was hard to concentrate(total noob), but did solve the conundrum SNOGAMILF in under a second in what some have described as an incredible fluke.
Episodes
# | Date | Type | Contestant 1 | Score | Contestant 2 | Presenters | Guest | Lex | Max | |||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
3898 | 1/04/2005 | P | Steve Smith | 67 – 87 | Jon O'Neill | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Mitch Murray | Susie Dent | 143 | ||
3899 | 4/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 96 – 72 | Peter Wallis | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Nicholas Owen | Susie Dent | 120 | ||
3900 | 5/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 106 – 54 | William Moore | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Nicholas Owen | Susie Dent | 140 | ||
3901 | 6/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 102 – 46 | Ola Odutola | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Nicholas Owen | Susie Dent | 124 | ||
3902 | 7/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 101 – 61 | Gill Johns | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Nicholas Owen | Susie Dent | 133 | ||
3903 | 8/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 104 – 66 | Jimmy Saville | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Nicholas Owen | Susie Dent | 119 | ||
3904 | 11/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 114 – 43 | Theresa Turrell | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Julia McKenzie | Susie Dent | 132 | ||
3905 | 12/04/2005 | P | Jon O'Neill | 94 – 58 | Gary McEnaney | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Julia McKenzie | Susie Dent | 118 | ||
3955 | 28/06/2005 | QF | Judith Young | 74 – 90 | Jon O'Neill | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Philip Franks | Susie Dent | 121 | ||
3958 | 30/06/2005 | SF | John Mayhew | 89 – 88 | Jon O'Neill | Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Philip Franks | Susie Dent | 117 | ||
4116 | 1/06/2006 | CP | Jack Welsby | 99 – 94 | Jon O'Neill | Des Lynam | Carol Vorderman | Ron Atkinson | Susie Dent | 134 | ||
5625 | 21/01/2013 | 30B1 | Kai Laddiman | 76 – 101 | Jon O'Neill | Nick Hewer | Rachel Riley | Margaret Mountford | Susie Dent | 132 | ||
5641 | 12/02/2013 | 30B2 | Jon O'Neill | 122 – 91 | Darryl Francis | Nick Hewer | Rachel Riley | Ken Bruce | Susie Dent | 130 | ||
5649 | 22/02/2013 | 30BQF | Jon O'Neill | 122 – 104 | Jack Worsley | Nick Hewer | Rachel Riley | Dr Phil Hammond | Susie Dent | 122 | ||
5653 | 28/02/2013 | 30BSF | Jon O'Neill | 102 – 120 | Conor Travers | Nick Hewer | Rachel Riley | Jenny Eclair | Susie Dent | 120 | ||
8-1043 | 19/09/2014 | S | BonO'Neill, Jo Brand & Sean Cock |
52 – 24 | Jon Richardson, Vic Reeves & Rob Beckett |
Richard Whiteley | Carol Vorderman | Beverley Isherwood | Cathy Hytner | Adam Buxton | Susie Dent | 69 |